I was reading through my journal and found this interesting entry from April 6, 2017.
I was feeling pretty uneasy for the most part of the day, but what else is new? So I soldiered through the day, managing the jitters I felt during the 4-5:30pm class. I listened in class apathetically, but I was able to understand the lesson and answer my professor’s questions.
Smugly, I said to my seatmate, “see, I listen.”
After class, I talked to my professor about some academic matters in relation to the state of my mental health. I told her that I was a mess and that I don’t know how I endured 5 sessions of fieldwork. She was kind and considerate, and our conversation ended with her saying to me, “you’re getting by beautifully.”
That statement boosted my morale, and I played it in my head as I got home and planned for the rest of the evening.
My supposedly productive evening took a sudden turn when the jitters I’ve been suppressing turned to nausea that took me straight to the toilet bowl to throw up. After that, I fell on the couch and burst into tears as I cried out to God, kind of like David’s Psalms in the Bible.
My next thought was to try to stand up and go through the evening, but I couldn’t move until I fell asleep. After three hours, I woke up, and here I am at the end of the night, unproductive and lethargic.
Just a glimpse of a day in the life with mental health struggles.